Hiei In Target
by Renescence
Summary: I did this story a while ago and thought that it needed revising. So, here it is. Hiei picks a fight with a motion sensor door, confronts a G.I. Joe, learns what a hotdog is, and follows Kurama around the store that is TARGET.


Hiei In Target

Yusuke Urameshi and his team of highly trained shoppers walked down the parking lot, each one, in their own unique way, prepared themselves for what they were about to encounter: Target.

Hiei had never once in his life entered into a human store before. Although he lived on earth for sometime, he considered it absolutely off limits. But this time, the team ambushed him and dragged him along on their shopping extravaganza, despite his useless protests.

Hiei shrugged. Its not like he was afraid of wandering into an enclosed place with lots of greedy mortals, buying when ever they could with their filthy money. Then again, demons in demon markets were the same way, except there were murders involved. The markets in Makai were usually held outside to avoid the suspicion that the walls watched business that went on. From the way the others were talking about this "Target" it sounded as if the Human Market was indoors.

And sure enough, when they turned the corner, Hiei learned the horrible truth: it was an indoor store.

Hiei looked around the place before he went in, taking photographic memories of the place he now lived at. If he wasn't able to somehow get out of the store by some spontaneous event, he at least wanted to remember what the outside world was like.

Yusuke hollered for him, and Hiei rejoined the group, noticing something different about the door to the "Target".

"Wait a minute…" he said, "This door doesn't have a handle. How the hell are we supposed to get in? Is there some sort of chant of dance we're supposed to do?"

Kurama chuckled, "There will be no need for that. Watch."

Kurama took one more step towards the door and with a gust of cold, air-conditioned air, the door opened all by itself.

Hiei, obviously not expecting that and clearly startled by the doors freedom to move, leapt almost 15 feet backward, sword in hand, snarling, facing his new life-threatening enemy.

"Hiei! It's ok! It's just a motion sensor door! We have technology here on earth that detects movement!" Explained Yusuke.

"Calm down Hiei. And put that sword away before someone calls security!" Kurama barked as a young couple past them with worried, confused looks on their faces.

"Geez, you don't get out much do you?" asked kuwabara

"I'm a fighter, not a shopper," growled Hiei through gritted teeth, "I don't have time to shop till I drop."

"That'll be enough Hiei," warned Kurama "Stop acting so barbaric and lets go inside"

"Yeah!" agreed Kuwabara, "Hey! Did you know that they have the worlds greatest hotdogs here?"

"Hotdogs? What in the Makai is that? So you really cook your pets and then eat them?" asked Hiei, disgust written all over his face.

"You've never had a hotdog?!?" shouted Kuwabara, absolutely flabbergasted that Hiei had never taken part in eating a giant wiener.

"A hotdog," stated Kurama, answering Hiei's question, "Is a type of meat. It's made from pigs, an animal that lives on this planet. And no, we don't eat our pets."

"Meat? Disgusting!" Hiei shook his head feeling as if he was going to be sick.

"I'm going to take a wild guess. You wouldn't eat it, would you?" Yusuke snickered.

"I'm a demon. I don't eat human-made meat," Hiei said as everyone walked inside the land of red and white.

Hiei had his eyes on the doors the whole time. Looking at them as if he would absolutely obliterate them if they even made one move.

"Hiei! Stop giving the automatic doors your death glare!" Snapped Kurama.

"Kurama, those things can't be trusted." Said Hiei as he passed the second pair of doors.

Suddenly, Kuwabara let out a loud outburst of joy, "HOTDOGS!! I'm going to go stand in line!"

"Absolutely revolting..." Muttered Hiei.

"Well…" sighed Yusuke, "I'm going to head over to the CD section. Genkai wants me to find some "soft meditating music". I'll meet up with you guys later." And he too dispatched from the group.

"CD?" blinked Hiei.

"Music." Answered Kurama. "So, were do you want to go first?"

"Where is the Armory?" asked Hiei

"Armory?" Kurama repeated, confused "Uh… I don't think they have one at this particular store."

"Then what do they have?" asked a disappointed Hiei.

"Well..." began Kurama. "They have clothes departments for men women and children. a shoe section, a woman's section for all their feminine needs. I don't suppose you would want to go there?"

Hiei snarled a quick "NO!" then, "That's it?"

"I'm not finished. They have an electronic section for TV's, DVD's, CD's, and different types of game systems. (That's where Yusuke went.) They have a toy section, home supplies department that helps make human homes work-free. (I need to get my mother a microwave before we leave, our old one accidentally broke…I suspect it was from all the green tea I made….) And my favorite department of all, The plant department!"

"Plants?" Hiei asked the beaming Kurama.

"Of chorse. I am a fox demon," He shrugged.

"Lets just take a look at everything, except that woman's department and that creepy hotdog place. Wait…you don't need to visit the woman place do you?" asked Hiei.

"No. Why?" Kurama eyed him.

"No reason…." Hiei muttered looking at Kurama and his very girly figure.

"Were you just implying something?" Kurama asked, irritated.

"No!! No!!" Hiei coughed fakely, "Nothing at all!"

"Fine." groaned Kurama. "Let the shopping begin…"

The clothes… 

"Hey Hiei! Come take a look at this!" yelled Kurama.

"What is it?" asked Hiei as he appeared out from behind a racket of JORDACHE pants.

"Take a look at this shirt, I think it would look great on you." Said Kurama as he held it up. Hiei noticed that he looked like he was taking after his human mother.

Hiei took it and examined it. It was a black shirt with huge lettering that said, "Giant People: Beware!". From under its bound, Kurama could see Hiei's jagan flashing.

"Yeah it would, only it has a tear in it. It would become noticeable in less than a week." Said Hiei.

"Wise observation," Kurama smiled as Hiei put the shirt back.

The Electronics… 

"What's this?" Hiei held up a box with a circular piece of technology on it.

"A CD player," Said Kurama as he opened a box and took out the flat sphere that was imprinted on the side of it. He placed the "U" shaped mufflers on Hiei's head, "Here, listen to this."

Hiei tool the headphones and placed them over his head. Almost instantly, the sound of music filled his ears and the noise startled him into a growl.

"Wake me up inside! Wake me up inside! Call my name and save me from the dawn! Bid my blood to run, before I come undone, save me from the nothing I've become! BRING ME TO LIFE!!!"

It was weird to Hiei, he had never before experienced such a sensation. It was like there was music playing in his head. Eventually, the growling that Hiei admitted turned into a slight purr and Kurama was quite tempted to scratch him behind the ears.

"This is nice." Commented Hiei as he began to bob his head to the band named Evanescence.

"I'll remember you said that when Christmas rolling around." smiled Kurama.

The Toys… 

Hiei stared into the eyes of a G.I. Joe doll. What the hell was he wearing? In was horrible! Not to mention this little person desperately needed a bath. Hiei hoped that he would never have to wear the out fit that the G.I. Joe was wearing.

Suddenly someone tapped him on his shoulder. Hiei turned around and came face to face with a clown. The hairs on the back of Hiei's neck stood straight up on end. Hiei jumped at least 20 feet in the air and landed on the ceiling. Below, a laughing Kurama was taking off the clown mask.

"GOD DAMMIT KURAMA!!! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!" Bellowed Hiei.

"I…I…I'm s…s…sorry." said Kurama in between fits of laughs. "You should have seen the look on your face!!!" said Kurama now wrenched over holding his stomach. "You were like…" Kurama began, and then he made a look of pure horror. It didn't last long because a whole new set of laughs erupted.

The Plants… 

"Come on Kurama pick one!" said Hiei as he watched Kurama decide between a red rose and a white one.

"Oh…I'll just go with red." Said Kurama and he put it in the cart. The cart had at least 50 plants in it and one microwave.

"Are you sure your mother won't mind you bringing home all of these plants?" asked Hiei eyeing the plants with distaste.

""No. Not at all. I do it all the time." Said Kurama.

"What ever you say…" said Hiei.

"HEY!!! HIEI!!! KURAMA!!!"

Hiei and Kurama looked up to see Yusuke and kuwabara running towards them.

"Whoa. You think you have enough plants?" asked yusuke.

"No I don't." said a disappointed Kurama. "I usually get twice this much."

"TWICE?!?!" gasped kuwabara.

"Yep. But the damn microwave is taking up room, so I'll just go with this." Said Kurama. And with that he went to go pay for his plants, Yusuke, Hiei, and kuwabara following behind.

Well? What did you think? (It was cheesy huh?) (I suck at writing fic's!!!! Even the funny, pointless ones!!) Anyways, review and give me your opinion so I can say it sucks all over again. (I'm a horrible writer!!!…..)


End file.
